What They Don't Tell You About Depression
From the outside looking in
depression makes such a pretty picture:
Laying languidly at home as days pass by.
They don't see the glass shards embedded underneath your skin
from the time you tried to claw out your reflection in the looking glass.
(Look, see how they shimmer like starlight in my palms).
They don't tell you how each breath makes you wish you could fold in on yourself and disappear.
(After all, even stars too heavy, collapse from the heavens and are granted reprieve from needing to shine).
They don't hear your soul fragmenting a little more with each passing hour,
until it's in pieces only you can feel
rattling around the cage where your heart once beat,
But now lays deflated in the corner, sad and forgotten.
(A discarded balloon from a party no one went to).
They don't tell you as time passes,
The tides eat away at your very bones
Leaving the moonlight to suck out the marrow,
How it leaves you empty and shivering at the abyss that has opened up where your insides should be.
(But the ache in your chest mimics the calls of sailors lost at sea).
They don't tell you how forcing yourself to eat becomes
Sisyphus perpetually rolling his boulder uphill,
a losing struggle undergone out of habit.
(But the food turns to mud in your mouth anyway).
What they don't tell you about depression could fill up volumes of books
(If only they didn't strike you wordless when they spoke).
Aubrey Manahan is a Filipina-American writer, activist, and student who believes in the magic of words. She graduated from UCLA in 2014 and is currently pursuing her Masters in International Development at American University. Currently living, laughing, and wandering as much as she can manage, she's trying to find new ways to help make the world a better place and use words to bring important issues to light. You can contact her via twitter, tumblr, or website.